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How To Achieve Orgasm!

How To Reach Orgasm During Sex Or Masturbation

Making sex better!

How can you improve the breadth and depth of your sex life? These days, many of us have been exposed to new areas of sexual activity which, a few years ago, we'd have never even dreamed about. Whether or not these appeal is another matter, of course, but the point is that there are lots of things you can do to give yourself a wider and more interesting sexual relationship.

You may want to watch porn or you may feel drawn to try bondage or sado-masochistic sex, swap partners, act out your fantasies or try threesomes. Some of these activities may well prove to be less enjoyable in reality than they are in fantasy! In reality, you may actually just enjoy trying sex in new places (out of doors for example), or you might be content to try new sexual positions. Or you might like to introduce toys into your sex life. What's most important, here, I think, is that whatever you elect to try, it should not be something which causes you harm or damages your relationship.

The basic rule is this: no coercion. No matter how much you might want to try something new, there should never be any coercion of your sexual partner into an activity which he or she may find distressing, unacceptable, or unpleasant.

You may wish to spend some time thinking about what it is that makes you feel discomfort around a particular sexual activity, and you may even find that this process is sufficient to allow you to try it. (An example would be when a woman doesn't wish to try anal sex, for example, because she is afraid it might hurt her.) Of course, an important point to keep in mind is that there is no reason why you should try something that doesn't appeal to you! Sometimes it's hard to keep a sense of perspective in these matters, when the pressure of the culture seems to be all about doing things in a certain way, or having certain expectations of yourself or your partner. It's also important o keep in mind that you don't have to enjoy everything you try!

In the end, though, you may find that the best way forward is to agree with your partner on those things which you find acceptable and to draw boundaries which you know are important for you - those are the sexual boundaries which you won't cross, at least for now. In setting such boundaries, it's important to remember that rejection, or a sense of rejection, can feel very hurtful. When you ask your partner for some new sexual experience, or you set out what is acceptable for you, please do it in a way that ensures neither you nor your partner feels rejected.

If you want to try oral sex, there is some very good information here. If you want to try anal sex, you can get all the facts you need here.

And if you still cannot reach orgasm.....

What if you've reached this point and you still cannot get to orgasm? There are several things you might consider doing. The first is to watch and wait - see what happens as times goes by. If your sexual horizons have expanded widely, you might want to just enjoy your new-found sexuality and see how it develops for you. You may see it as unrealistic to expect to have multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasms, and and orgasm every time you make love. As time goes by, however, and as you learn more about your own sexual responses and those of your partner, you may find that you naturally become more orgasmic and more fully sexual.

If, on the other hand, you want to expand your sexuality even further more quickly, you might like to take your work further with a sexual therapist, either together with or separately from your partner. You may wish to look for individual therapy (for issues like low self-esteem or sexual abuse), couples therapy (for issues within your relationship), or sexual therapy (specifically for issues around sexuality). Certainly low levels of sexual desire and issues related to abuse need to be looked at in the context of professional sexual therapy. As you may know, the recommended process is to talk to several therapists and select the one who seems to be most "in tune" with you. Advice on finding the right therapist can be found here.

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