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Overcoming Anorgasmia & Reaching OrgasmHow You Feel About Sex and Your Body Image Many women have problems with their bodies, or, more specifically, their body image. This is directly linked to anorgasmia, to lack of orgasms. Why? Knowing how a woman may have an orgasm can be directly linked to a woman's body image. A woman feels sensuous when she is "in" her body, psychologically speaking; in sexual situations she responds to touch by becoming aroused; and she experiences sexual arousal as much more body-centered than a man usually does. Her skin is her biggest sexual organ, and her capacity to receive pleasure depends to a large extent on being touched, fondled and caressed all over her body. Small wonder, then, that a woman who is not happy in her body is not likely to be having a very good sex life, and is now likely to be having many orgasms! This page will give you some facts about this, and offer you a way to become more at ease with your body - the first step to becoming more sexually responsive and fully orgasmic. First of all, the facts. Here are the results of a survey conducted on the internet in 2006 among several hundred women.
As you can see, about half of all women are unhappy with their body. One way of establishing how you feel about your body is to try the following exercise, which will give you some insight into how your body image is affecting your sexual life and your ability, or the lack thereof, to reach orgasm. When you have an hour to spare, an hour in which you won't be disturbed, and an hour where you can relax without worrying about the pressures of everyday life, seek out some privacy and take off your clothes. You may wish to start with a warm, scented, luxurious bath to help get you relaxed and in the mood. Your objective is simply to examine every area of your body, stage by stage, starting at the top of your head, and to progress downwards, considering what your good features are as you go - you'll need a mirror for this. As you move from part to part, truly appreciate what is good about your body. Take a good long look at the various parts of your body; as you look at each part, affirm to yourself that you love it just the way it is. To help this process of acceptance, place your hand on each part of your body in turn and breathe energy into each part as you look at it, sending it a blessing of love and acceptance. If you find this hard, simply smile into the mirror each time you see yourself reflected there. It's not a prelude to masturbation, so don't feel any pressure about having to have an orgasm. We aren't asking you to be orgasmic yet! You'll already know, perhaps, that women tend to see their bodies as bigger/fatter/more marked/less attractive than is actually the case. So you may not really see yourself as your partner sees you, but this exercise is fundamentally about self-acceptance and self-discovery. When you find a part of your body where you feel discomfort, emotional or experience some other issues about what you're seeing, slow down and take it easy. Think about what you're feeling. Why should this part of your body make you feel the way it does? Do you have any sense of why you see that part of your body as being less than perfect? Do you know why you have become an adult with that perception? Can you accept that part of your body as it is? Can you accept that what you see may not be what someone else sees? The most interesting part of this exercise will come when you get to your breasts, belly, bottom and pelvic area. These are the sexiest areas for women and they are the ones where you are likely to be most self-critical. How does looking at them make you feel? Do you have any sense of sexual arousal or sensuous stirrings when you look at yourself in this way? (Again, remember that you are not in a sexual situation, and there is nothing about requiring you to try and have an orgasm in this exercise.) Do you feel comfortable with the hair on your body? Do you like your under-arm hair, or pubic hair? Women vary greatly in how much hair they have on their bodies, just as men do. Do you choose to shave? If so, why? How does that affect your sense of your sexual self? When you have examined your body from top to toe, move on to the next stage of this self-appraisal. This will consist of touching your body - in a loving way - all over with your fingers and hands, gently feeling the contours and curves of your belly, breasts, buttocks, shoulders, arms, legs, pelvis and feet. If you have a shower or bath to wash off oil afterwards, and you'd like to make this into a sensuous exercise, use some warm massage oil to lovingly caress every part of your body: indeed, really use the oil to totally explore and feel your body, to really get in contact with it. As you're doing this in privacy, no-one except you need know what you're doing. You'll discover a lot about how you "fit", psychologically speaking, into your body by this gentle exploration, especially if you're honest enough to check in with yourself at every stage of your body. You'll certainly discover the ways in which your sexual self-image doesn't fit your body! When you've finished, take some time to reflect on what you have learned. If you have any resistance, that means something significant! It's worth spending enough time to make sure you get all the learning you can from this exercise - which might include:
Possible Reasons Why You Have Difficulty Reaching Orgasm During Sex or Masturbation
[ How to have an orgasm ]
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