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How To Achieve Orgasm!

How To Reach Orgasm During Sex Or Masturbation

Sharing With Your Partner

Whether or not you've had an orgasm, now's the time to share your experiences with your partner. And if you haven't had an orgasm yet, maybe that will happen with your partner, which can be very exciting and rewarding for you both.

The idea here is that you teach your partner what kinds of stimulation make you feel good. The way it works is that you start by telling your partner what produces the best sensations for you when you masturbate, what gives you pleasure, what makes you feel good; then, when you have shared this information with him, you show him how you enjoy self-pleasuring.

So you need to think how you will feel when you masturbate in front of your partner. This can be a big step, perhaps rather embarrassing, maybe a bit shaming, certainly somewhat anxiety-making, possibly causing you to wonder what he will think of your behavior, what he will think of you, even! You may even find it difficult to cope with his response to your burgeoning sexuality. This is especially true if he is easily aroused, and reaches orgasm easily when he masturbates (as he is likely to do - simply because most men do!). That's a big difference to your sexual responses as they are at the moment. How will that make you feel?

So the most vital aspect of this process is clear and direct communication. Almost as important is mutual support. You should begin your conversation about this subject at a time when you are both free from pressure, feeling relaxed, and have enough time to give the matter the attention it deserves.

The natural starting point for this conversation is the expression of any anxiety you may have around being so open in front of each other. How will you feel when you masturbate in front of your partner? How do you imagine your partner will feel? Express these feelings to each other and check out the accuracy of your judgments - particularly around your partner's feelings. You can't really know how he is going to feel unless you ask him. The same is true in reverse, of course. Be as open in your communication as you possibly can.

It's also helpful to talk about how you see masturbation. Of course you already have some kind of sexual relationship - satisfactory or not - with your partner, and masturbation may or may not form some part of that relationship. In either case, you need to discuss the possible consequences of sharing your masturbation experience, and also tell each other what you hope for (e.g. greater openness, greater ability to please each other, greater enjoyment of sex) and what you fear (e.g. anxiety, not being able to reach orgasm, partner's disgust, and so on). And of course, don't forget to discuss what you think the purpose of masturbation might be (e.g. something to be done when partners have different sex drives, a necessary and healthy expression of each other's sexuality, a way of one partner getting sexual pleasure when the other doesn't want intercourse, and so on).

This kind of communication is what leads couples to be closer to each other. And when you feel closer, you will have greater intimacy, greater understanding, and a more fulfilling emotional life.

To help you put this conversation into context, it's worth remembering a few facts about masturbation.

1) Women who masturbate are more sexual, more orgasmic and more likely to enjoy sex.

2) The majority of men and women and women enjoy masturbation while they are in a relationship.

3) Your partner may feel excluded and wish to be reassured that your masturbation will not stop him from having sex with you - this is about making sex better sex for you both.

4) He can practice what you show him, so he will be able to give you greater pleasure as a part of your sexual repertoire together.

5) When he has seen how you masturbate, he will not have to guess what will please you - he will know!

6) If he holds the view that married couples, or couples in a relationship, "should not" masturbate, the experience of masturbating together will show him that this is actually a form of shared sexual pleasure which is just as valid as sexual intercourse.

Masturbating With Your Partner

Let him start. After all, he knows how to do it well, and he's less likely to be embarrassed about it. He's had many years' experience of being orgasmic, and masturbating to give himself pleasure. The experience of masturbating is not new to him, even though doing in in front of his partner may be....In any event, you will find it much less embarrassing to masturbate in front of him, if he has done the same thing in front of you beforehand!

Now, please remember that he is not trying to arouse you, nor you him. This just about learning what turns you both on. You may choose to make the environment look romantic, with candles, soft lighting, and suitable mood music; you may start with a warm bath, or by undressing each other sensuously and slowly. This is fun - so try and be relaxed. There's no need for shame. After all, it's only part of the natural sexual life of a couple. Nothing could be more natural to a man and woman than sharing their sexuality and the ways in which that is expressed. he may hold you or lie next to you as you share your experience.

You should start with some hugging and kissing, or cuddling and stroking, or lying together and breathing in synchrony: anything that makes you feel connected. When you're comfortable, the man will show the woman how he masturbates and reaches orgasm. Then, either in this session or the next session, the woman shows the man how she touches herself to get pleasure.

Your aim is to observe what your partner does as he or she masturbates. Don't distract them with questions while they're enjoying what they're doing - wait until afterwards. Then you can ask them about the finer points of their self-pleasuring technique.

The problems

If you're a woman, you may find it difficult to enjoy masturbating when your partner is watching. One way to deal with this is to control the situation - ask him to sit or lie in a place that makes you feel comfortable and secure - for example, ask him to move behind you, so that he cannot directly observe what you are doing. You can always have him move into a place where he can see more of you later on when you're more comfortable with openly masturbating.

And of course, as always, try not to put pressure on yourself by striving for an orgasm. You don't have to have an orgasm - you just have to show your partner what you do to give yourself pleasure. As you become more comfortable with this process, you will slowly become more sexually expressive in his presence. You can come to enjoy what you are doing, even if this takes time: that is, you can come to enjoy showing off your glorious female sexuality, which any man will deeply appreciate and honor.

The successes

And if you did reach orgasm, what did that feel like? How did your partner respond? Did you think this was supportive? It's up to you to tell him how you felt about the experience - and his response to it.

Often a man who has watched his partner reach her first orgasm will not know quite what he thinks or feels about it. It's a new and perhaps somewhat unexpected event for him! He may feel left out, or he may worry about what this means for you both - after all, you are now sexually responsive, and all men know what a sexually responsive woman is potentially attracted to other men, and in turn may attract other men! This is the time for mutual honesty and openness, and a genuine expression of your feelings about what is happening in your relationship.

You will find that as you become more easily orgasmic, you get more pleasure from every sexual experience you have with your partner. You'll feel more connected and more intimate, and this can only lead to a better quality of relationship for you both. Sharing sexual pleasure in this way is indeed a very intimate experience, and it may well produce greater trust and understanding as well as increased openness.

And among all the excitement of what's happening for you, it's worthwhile remembering that sexual arousal and orgasm belong to the person who is having those feelings - if it's your partner, you cannot make them develop or force them to happen. But you can share the enjoyment of them!

Initiating and Refusing Sex

Along with an increased sense of sexual openness will come some issues and problems that you need to  deal with.

For example, you may wish to improve how you communicate about sex. When you want sex, or your  partner wants sex, how do you communicate that fact? Is it done gracefully, or less gracefully through a joke, a grab, a look, or some recognized sign between you both?

You may have a different level of sexual desire to your partner. You may want sex at different times, in different amounts, in different ways. Matching these diverse requirements up can be challenging. Think for a moment about who usually initiates sex. Does that satisfy you? Is there something about the process which irritates you - for example, do they want sex regardless of how much work around the house there is to be done? Do you ever really discuss when would be the best time for sex? That may not be when you actually tend to do it - like last thing at night, when you are both tired and lacking in energy!

Both members of a couple have responsibilities. and each may feel aggrieved when the other does not follow up on those responsibilities and wants sex instead. Yet it is inevitable that two people in a relationship will never have perfectly synchronized desires......and so the clash of "needs" and "wants" may seem insuperable.

To help you both learn good ways to initiate sex - where good means less likely to cause conflict - you can try a simple exercise. Pretend you are your partner and that your partner is you; then act out how you experience their initiation of sex - especially if they do it in a way that annoys you. If he grabs your buttocks, do that to him, and see what effect that has. You can back up the power of your actions by telling him how you feel, and by getting feedback from him on how he feels about this experience. Then reverse roles. Such acting out can give you profound insight into how you both give and receive sexual stimuli - from each other's point of view!

It's also helpful to practice refusing sex, since this is also an inevitable part of any relationship. Both of you should act out the way in which you would normally give and receive a refusal of sex, so that you can experience what it may feel like from the other's point of view. You can also practice doing this more gracefully, since, when someone opens themselves enough to express their desire for sexual contact, they are making themselves vulnerable to you, and this is worthy of respect rather than an abrupt refusal to engage in sexual activity in a way that hurts the other.

It's extremely useful to discuss how often you would ideally like to have sex. And while you're talking about that, you might also want to discuss how you feel if one person initiates sex much more than the other. Is that fair? Does it leave either of you with a sense of resentment? A good place to start is by expressing why you would like the initiation of sex to be more equal. If one partner feels inhibited about initiating sex, they may have good reasons for that reticence. Discussing what these may be can be very helpful in strengthening trust in your relationship.

It can be difficult for a women to initiate sex. That's not how it's "supposed to be" in our culture. (Isn't the man supposed to lead in initiating sex?) Once again, issues such as these, which may hold all kinds of emotional charges for a couple, can be defused by open and honest discussion.

The next step on the road to reaching orgasm during sex
 

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