How to have an orgasm using sensual massage techniques

How to be orgasmic

Notes on sensual massage

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Sensual massage is a wonderful process which can get you back in touch with the good feelings which you can enjoy from your body. We tend to lose sight of the fact that our skin is the outermost and very sensitive covering of our bodies, and we can use that fact to gain a lot of pleasure: being touched by our partners in a non-sexual way can be a very enjoyable experience!

Sensual massage implies that you are not focused on sex, that you are just going to enjoy the physical pleasure of being touched in a loving and gentle way by your partner. This is very enjoyable, but it also reinforces the emotional connection between you and your partner and it can help in making you feel bonded, emotionally close and loving towards each other.

Sensual implies something that is non-sexual, non-genital, and that's exactly how you can approach the practice of sensual massage.

Although this isn't necessarily sexual, it's definitely sensual: being able to give someone a relaxation massage is a wonderful skill, and in the case of a lover can be wonderful prelude to sex (or possibly a wonderful thing to do after sex, if you're feeling especially indulgent...). There's no shortage of books and classes on how to give someone a relaxing full-body massage, but here are a few basic tips:

There's just no substitute for having a massage table: it makes things much easier for the person giving the massage, as well as more relaxing for the person receiving it. They aren't that expensive.
Use almond oil, grape seed oil or similar as a massage base oil; any good health food or holistic shop should be able to offer a great selection of wonderful massage oils. Use a small squeeze bottle that won't spill.
Don't let your partner get cold: having a sheet on top of the massage table, while they're lying underneath a second sheet and perhaps a thin blanket, is a good idea (they can stay mostly covered up except for where you're working). Alternatively, you can crank the heat in the room way up, or more luxuriously yet put the massage table in front of a fireplace with the room lights dimmed. Mood is everything!
Confident touch is good touch.
For long gliding strokes down the back, lean into them a bit with your body weight rather than depending up upper arm strength: the result is smoother, and feels more reassuring to the person receiving the massage.
Particularly if your partner has long hair, or spends a lot of time on their feet, giving them a scalp massage or massaging their feet may provide an experience so pleasurable that it's almost erotic - and no massage table is required.

In general, the feeling of relaxation you get after a good full-body massage from your partner isn't that different from the feeling of relaxation you get after sex with your partner: in each case the body's basic need for touch, which is a basic human need, is being satisfied.

It's always important to exchange information so that you know what your partner is feeling, and what is good for them and what isn't. This communication doesn't need to be extensive - it can be just be single words like good, harder, softer, slower, deeper, that's good, and so on. This means the person massaging knows what to do and the person receiving is getting the experience they want. If the person massaging is unsure about what they are doing, they can say: "How's that?" By being more in touch with each other's needs and wishes, the massage is more likely to be beneficial.

After you have had a few sessions, include the more sexual areas of the body - buttocks and breasts, but only by mutual consent. As you progress, grow more comfortable about giving and receiving, and get to know each other's bodies better, you can include the genital region, although again this is not compulsory, and remember all of the massage you give and receive is by mutual consent. The objective is not to get sexually aroused - it's about pleasuring each other through touch (and we don't mean sexually pleasuring! No orgasms are involved - at least, not at this stage of the process!)

If you are receiving, then focus on receiving. Don't let concerns about the comfort or convenience of the person massaging you affect how you enjoy this process - their comfort is their concern, and they can look after themselves. You can keep your attention on your feelings, your experiences and the sensations you are receiving as they massage you.

If this doesn't work for you, in the sense that you feel agitated when you are massaging your partner, it may be that you are focusing too much on their pleasure. Try massaging them from your own viewpoint - in other words, do what feels good to you as the massager. When you remove the pressure of pleasing your partner (especially if you have added pressure because you don't know exactly what they want - in which case how can you ever satisfy them?) and start thinking more about doing what feels good to you, then you are more likely to enjoy massaging, and give a better massage.

If you feel anxious, stressed, tired, distracted or grumpy, then it is probably not such a good idea to offer a massage nor to accept one. However, it's possible that focusing on the massage will take you away from your concerns, and allow you to relax into a better frame of mind.

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