|What Turns Women On!
Research Into What Attracts Women Sexually In Men
his material is the product of research questionnaires sent to 200 women, who responded to a questionnaire about what they find attractive in men....The main groups of responses were (click on the link to go to that section):
With the man, so with the woman: visual sexual stimuli are arousing, as are the spoken and written word.
The Written or Spoken Word
I differentiate here between hard-core pornography and erotic material. Hard core porn is generally badly written, crudely explicit, and has exaggerated accounts of fucking, penis size, and so on; it's often brutal and expresses men's hatred of, and anger against, women. There is, however, much erotic material, beautifully written, either explicit or suggestive, which has the power of sexually arousing most men.
A little more than two-thirds of 198 women admitted to being sexually aroused by such material, and their choices are many and varied. The power of single words, especially the four-letter words, is often amazing. A woman wrote to me once wanting reassurance about a fantasy.
She was much sexually aroused sexually by seeing on TV a famous tennis star. She wanted her husband to be like him, then she was sure she would easily achieve her elusive orgasm. "Why don't you," I suggested, "imagine that it is X who is making love to you, that it is his cock that is up in you?"
A day or two later, I received a reply. "It worked! But do you know what really did it? It was your use of the word 'cock.' I had always thought of X's organ as his penis. Even when I read your phrase "imagine it is his cock that's up you," I was so turned on, I had to masturbate, and I reached orgasm in about a minute. Usually it takes about ten minutes when I masturbate. During intercourse I am completely anorgasmic and in fact I never have an orgasm even if my husband thrusts for half-an-hour and he's played with me for another half-an-hour before penetration. Last night I came about five minutes after he put his cock in me, and it was very intense. I had another three orgasms - a thing that has never happened to me before."
An Englishwoman says, "Any well-written erotic book, I find very exciting, anything that accurately describes lovemaking. The real kind, not the kind that goes on about "fucking"! If my boyfriend and I want great sex we read it to each other then all we want to do is fuck and come. Then after a time we read a bit more, and take things more slowly. graphic books.
The most erotic passages I have ever read were in Fanny Hill, especially where the youth is swimming in the pool and he makes love to the girl who was watching him. The first seduction in Lady Chatterley was very exciting, and passages in Under the Hill, a very old book, I can't remember who by, especially where Tantalus has a good few sessions with Venus in Paradise.
Modern sexy books do little for me, but a set of books by Robert Graham (The Sewing-machine Man, The Courier, and The Debt Collector) were sexy for me as all the four-letter words are used in the same context I am used to hearing them."
Phyllis the American, reacts to "any artistic and not too blatant description of sex between men and women, or between women, very strongly. It's best if the feelings of the people involved are described. There are numerous examples - Lady Chatterley's Lover, John Barth's description of the rape scene aboard the ship carrying virgins from England to the Colonies. Frances Parkinson Keyes' Madame Castel's Lodger...."
"Books definitely turn me on sexually," says Alay, an English girl. "They can arouse me from nothing. Actual descriptions of fucking action are guaranteed to get me hot in no time. I have a vivid imagination, and can identify easily. I can't think of any specific examples, but the more extreme, the more effective, e.g., copulation with animals, incest, rape."
"I've read a few sexy books," writes Betty, an American schoolgirl. "I found Candy in my brother's room. I've got some books like that of my own. I get very horny reading the sexy parts."
Jane, of London, England, enjoys reading books which bring in sexual situations. "I once read a book called The Song of the Loon. This was all about homosexuality between North American Indians, and this book, which described fellatio between young Indians, made me incredibly randy."
I have mentioned that a very large number of men are turned on by watching or reading about lesbian sex; there is also some evidence in my material that some women are turned on by watching or reading about male homosexual sex.
Margaret, of Washington, D.C. read The Happy Hooker: "I found parts of it so arousing that I could not keep from masturbating while I was reading. These passages are such pure eroticism that I don't see how anyone could fail to be sexually aroused by them. I found myself imagining I was in her place."
Jeannine of Birmingham, Alabama, says, "Written descriptions of lovemaking in romantic novels arouses me sexually very much. I also find similar situations in some of the short stories in Cosmopolitan magazine which have the same effect. The lovemaking is frequently described from the woman's point of view. Most such stories in other magazines are written from the man's point of view. What arouses me is my being able to imagine myself in the role of the woman. Only stories written from a woman's point of view are able to depict my sexual needs and desires."
Dawn, another American, prefers fact to fiction. "Reading factual accounts or stories of sex does turn me on immensely. Direct and energetic and precise descriptions of the sexual act. Plenty of four-letter words. Frankness, openness and lack of mystery are the key factors! Like: cunt, stiff prick, fuck and wank. Mystery prevents one from reaching the fullest sexual fulfillment. Only when one knows what the cunt and cock are capable of, only when there is the most open and full discussion of this potential between the partners can sex be most exciting."
Music as a sexual stimulant
This is clearly what may be termed a "specialized" stimulant. I mean by this that the tone-deaf are obviously not going to be turned on by any music they hear, while I believe that the appreciation of music to the extent that it draws out a sexual response demands a sensitivity a little out of the ordinary. There are definitely some people who have what I term a "sexual wavelength" as far as music goes, but they are a smallish minority. Music which arouses sexually has to be on this wave length, which, in fact, is a trigger for sexual arousal. Unless the music tunes in exactly, the response is not automatic.
Music is quite different in its triggering effects from sexual sounds like heavy breathing, moans, whimpers, and shrill cries which have such a heavy sexual content that one knows instinctively that they are made by sexually active people. Evidence shows that there are very few people who do not respond to sex sounds. On the other hand, there are people who are sexually aroused sexually by a guitar sonata and others who are not. Taken by and large, women are more sexually receptive to musical suggestion than most men are.
Somewhat surprisingly, a little over half (104) of 198 women said they had a sexual response to music of one kind or another. This is not to say that they are all sexually aroused from scratch by this or that piece of music; a number claim that if they make love to certain pieces, their enjoyment of sexual activity and particularly of the climax are greatly intensified. The type of music, of course, depends on their general preferences.
For Margy, the sixteen-year-old English girl, "it has to be rock music. Not that any of the guys I've had would particularly like that in the background. Anyone over twenty-five just doesn't turn on to it. A really good, solid beat with lots of fast electric guitar is fantastic to fuck to. I've only been lucky enough to enjoy the experience once, but it was beautiful. I go to lots of rock concerts and if the band is really good, I end up rushing to the toilet to masturbate to orgasm. That's what made me go for my guy. He's in a group, which even if it is only amateur, turns out a really good sound."
Bessie, the Texas housewife, twenty-nine, wants it "soft and low. Love is blues." Light blues and jazz with alto sax has a definite arousing effect on another American, eighteen-year-old Chrissie, but she also gets aroused by Liszt's "Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2," and Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade.
Clarice, another London, England, schoolgirl has, in contrast, one particular song, "Joy" by Apollo 100, which turns her on inside out," while Audrey from Arlington, Virginia, has more than one: 'Tapestry' by Carole King has a fantastic effect on me and my lover when we're alone. Whatever it is, it must be soft and mellow."
Susan, nineteen, American, prefers "romantic music while I'm being laid, it adds to the mood. The music listened to by most people is hard rock. This is no kind of music to be listening to while making love. One of many guys preferred it, and occasionally I used to let him play it, but he always fell into the beat when a down side came on and used to pretend his cock was a drumstick. I used to be really in trouble then."
Wendy, from Mobile, Alabama, by contrast, prefers "fast body-moving music. I can dance for a while and I'm so sexually aroused, it's not funny. But then, my kind of dancing is all but laying down and fucking."
For Peggy, of Chicago, it's 'The Love Death' from Wagner's Tristan and Isolde. I try to time my orgasm to occur simultaneously with that climax, and when it happens (sometimes) it's out of this world."
Cassandra of San Diego, California, is only sexually aroused by music used as a prelude to lovemaking. "Some music and words are erotic, but during lovemaking it's a damn distraction. I'd rather hear my lover's voice and heartbeat than all the music in the world."
Marilyn, from Richmond, Virginia, also does not like music during lovemaking, but for another reason. "Music can half calm me, and being calm makes me more relaxed and desire lovemaking more. However, once lovemaking starts, I lose my sense of hearing almost completely, and seldom hear anything. My lover must repeat things he says to me, and all outside noises and sounds are obscured."
Edith, from Dundee, Scotland, turns on to quite a large repertoire: "Lay, Lady, Lay" Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel (Bridge Over Troubled Waters), Last movement 1812 Overture, Anglesea - Cat Stevens (Catch Bull at Four), "The Look of Love - Burt Bacharach, most music performed by Osibisa.
Joanne, the young English newly-wed, is "very excited by all Tom Jones' songs, and the race-part music from A Man and a Woman, 'Knights in White Satin' by the Moody Blues, and 'A Whiter Shade of Pale' by Procol Harum."
"Violins and romantic music turn me off," says Linda (English). "But give me primitive music with a strong rhythm that will take over my body when I close my eyes, and a partner who also responds to it, and there are fireworks and bells ringing in no time."
Iris, the Canadian who is deeply in love with the drummer Bill, reacts similarly. "Music is a big thing with me, and it has to be heavy for sex. Santana's music - ones that use a great deal of drum rhythm and it's beautiful when you lose your senses to the pounding and your whole body moves instinctively with the beat. It's an actual high without drugs or booze. And the orgasm - God almighty!"
Discussing Sexual Matters
The response to this is varied, as is to be expected, but more than two-thirds (146 of the 198) do find it stimulating to the point of arousal. For the most part, these discussions take place usually between the partners while in a sexual situation, and are usually restricted to an exchange of requests for caresses that each would like the one to give the other, and talking over past sexual experiences. Eighty-two of the 146 come into this category.
Here is a selection of the more interesting topics discussed by the remaining 64. "I get very sexually aroused if I overhear someone talking about his or her sexual experiences and they do not know I can hear them. It is embarrassing to admit, but I used to secretly listen in on the telephone conversations of one of my neighbors. She was probably only about nineteen or twenty and she was single.
From what I could tell from the very graphic conversations she had with her boyfriends and girlfriends she must have had a very active sex-life. Almost every night she was on the phone talking to one of her girlfriends about boys and about the things she had done with one of her boyfriends, one of her favorite things was to talk about what she was going to do when he came over to visit her. Hearing her talking about these things always got me very wet!"
This is a kind of aural voyeurism which is common to a fair number of women. It takes a number of forms, like the following, for example. "Some of my girlfriends and I talk about sex a whole bunch. We talk about boys and what we've done with them.
We talk about what our boyfriends are like when we play around with them. We talk about how big our boyfriends' cocks are when they're hard. Who has the biggest, who has the smallest. (It's a real put down to have a boyfriend with a cock like a little boy's.) It turns me on to hear what other girls do with boys, and to tell them what I do." (American schoolgirl.)
Or, "Talking with another woman about a man whom we both think is sexy generally arouses me sexually. If the other woman I am talking with knows him better than I do about what kind of lover he is, it arouses me sexually to hear what she knows about him, as long as what she knows is good." (American.)
Or, "Sometimes I will get into a discussion with one of my married friends about sex, and I get sexually aroused by hearing about her sex-life with her husband." (American.)
Or, "About how he would like to lick my clitoris till I go crazy and beg him to fuck me when he tells me about some of the things he's done with other women." (American.)
Others, like this English schoolgirl, get sexual kicks out of describing their own activities, getting their kicks from the ignorance of their audience that they are talking about themselves. She has lesbian tendencies, also is bisexual. 'There is a game I play with my 'girlfriend.' It turns us both on and at the same time gives us a laugh. You see, in our 5th form at a girls' grammar school only 4 out of 32 have fucked or done any thing sexual at all. Therefore, the others tend to look on us as very knowledgeable. That in itself is funny because, my God, don't I know that I've got a hell of a lot left to discover. Well, anyway, they like to bring up the subject of sex just to see what my friend and I have to say about it. Our favorite turn-on is to bring up lesbianism and bisexuality.
Don't those girls wince at the thought! It's very funny to hear them. 'Oh! Isn't it disgusting!' 'How could they?' 'But what can they do to each other?' My friend pretends that she dislikes the idea, whereas I start saying how nice it sounds. She then mentions that her aunt is a lesbian. 'But I'd never have guessed,' she says. 'She's never made a pass at me.' That's my cue to say, 'Christ! Who in their right minds would want you?' At this point we have a difficult job keeping straight faces. We continue discussing the subject, but everything we say relates to us. We sit there giving each other 'looks,' both getting really turned on. The best thing is that none of the others realize we are talking about ourselves. If they knew, it would spoil it, and we wouldn't get turned on."
Some, like another English schoolgirl, use it as a kind of cock-teasing. "In class my boyfriend and I tell one another what we're going to do to each other after school, like I'll say, 'Richard (which is what we call his cock) is going to get a surprise,' and I tell him what I'm going to do, and it goes on like that."
Or, "It all depends what you mean, I'll talk about sex, whatever particular thing I choose, in an erotic way if I want to turn a guy on and as a result get turned on myself." (English schoolgirl.)
This is a kind of seduction technique, when used as this English girl uses it. "To a certain extent I get turned on by discussing sexual matters, but especially if I know what I am saying is exciting the man I'm talking to. Relating my sexual adventures or listening to someone else's (male or female) is very exciting, but unfortunately it mostly happens in pubs or at work, and so can only occasionally be followed by sexual activity. Seduction (rather than mutual consent) by one person is even better. A female friend of mine related how she planned and achieved the seduction of a man ten years her junior. All the time I had to appear interested but cool, but I would have been much more excited if I could have asked her questions."
Or, "I get quite a buzz discussing sexual matters with men. When men realize I am married, they frequently make some effort to find out whether I sleep with other men as well. The conversations always have a very subtle initiation. 'What does your husband think about your flying around on airplanes, and being gone so much of the time?' It generally leads round to, 'Wonder what he does with you gone away so much?' followed by, 'What would you do if you discovered he was sleeping with someone else while you're away?' From my answer they hope to learn whether or not I sleep around myself. Sometimes I give an honest reply, sometimes not. I would very infrequently get into such a conversation with a passenger, but with a pilot it is not so rare."
"I have several friends I can share my fantasies with and they with me. All but one or two are men. I am very sexually aroused by hearing these fantasies and knowing the masturbation experiences of my friends. These friends also are people I like to share sexual dreams with."
Some use it deliberately as an arousal technique, or a kind of fantasy to which to masturbate, when the lovers are separated by distances. "Almost any kind of sexual talk arouses me - especially when my love threatens me playfully. Or, on the phone, when he tells me that our sexy conversation has given him an erection, and then goes into great detail about what he would do to me if I were there. I can tell by his voice - he gets a bit breathless - when he's wanking himself, and that really turns me on, so I masturbate too." (American.)
Let Jan, the veteran of 70 affairs, again have the last word. "This can be considered in two contexts. One would be discussing sexual matters in a sexual context (i.e., naked and in bed after sex, and waiting for further sexual activity) and the other would be in a nonsexual context (i.e., dressed and having a discussion pure and simple). I find the former much more arousing than the latter. The latter may be interesting or informative, but it is too objective and explicit to rouse me. I don't mind the latter type at all, but it is too objective and explicit to rouse me. 44 The former, however, can be sexually arousing. After sex, I find guys often want to discuss sexual matters, e.g., how would I rate them as lovers, were they as good or better than most, am I glad we met, etc., etc.?
"This I frequently find arousing. It also gives me a feeling of power, but I am always careful not to knock a guy in this situation, especially if he has premature ejaculation since I like to protect men's egos."