full details of our unique program on how to become fully orgasmic,
whether you have never had an orgasm before or you just want to be able to
have orgasms more easily (and perhaps more often!), click on the link
How To Be Orgasmic
Autogenic Training: a relaxation exercise
Being able to use a relaxation exercise is always useful. You could use it to simply relax at the end of a long day at work so you don't run around stressed once you are home with your partner (which will probably improve your relationship and love life a lot). Or you could use it during an argument to calm down, or to fall asleep if you tend to lie awake at night worrying. Or you could use it to sooth your performance anxiety about sex. Whatever the issue, a relaxation exercise can help you with it.
All relaxation exercises work better and better the more you use them. Therefore, practice frequently - at least once a day while you are getting used to it. There are different methods of relaxation ranging from yoga to visualization techniques. Find one which one suits you best and use it on a continuing basis. If you feel you don't have time to learn a relaxation exercise, well, you sure need one! If you are too stressed during the day, practice when you're in bed, before you fall asleep. If the relaxation exercise means you do fall asleep, that's a good sign the process is working. You can also practice at week-ends or in the morning when you wake up. Expect to use it for a full month before you get the greatest benefits of it.
My own favorite relaxation technique is called autogenic training. It's quite old, but very good and it works like biofeedback, but without the need for equipment.
Autogenic training is a relaxation method which uses auto-hypnosis techniques. At the start, practice in a quiet environment once a day (at least once; more often is better). Also, while you get started stick with the first block of messages for heaviness until you can feel yourself getting heavy. Then start to add on more messages as you go along. Take your time with it, you don't have to do it all at once. Later when your body response to the technique, your body will follow the content of the messages and relax. Use it whenever necessary or desirable (for example after a stressful day at work while sitting on the train home or during your lunch break).
The exercise involves a state of passive awareness and it is important that your attitude towards the exercise is casual, non-striving and relaxed. Don't try hard at it, don't let it become another thing you have to work at. Just notice your body, and simply accept what happens during the exercise. Focus your awareness on the sensations in your body. Should your thoughts drift away, that's ok too, just come back to your body. In your thoughts you can wander forever, but your body is still during the exercise, apart from your heart beat and your breathing. Your body acts like an anchor for calmness and peace. Go through the auto-hypnosis suggestions (see further down, starting off with "my right arm feels heavy") even if they don't seem to be working to begin with. Simply notice how it feels, don't try and change how relaxed you are actively, just let go into the process and at some point your arm will indeed relax and begin to feel heavy.
But before you start, do a body scan from your head downwards. Check for any tension in your body, especially your shoulders and jaw, and relax those muscles consciously. Allow your tongue to lie on the floor of your mouth. Maybe take a deep breath and sigh out. Allow your mind to relax and listen to your body. You can close your eyes or keep them open as you wish.
Autogenic training works with a sequence of auto-hypnosis messages, which should be used in the order they are described here. However, you can repeat any suggestion more often to yourself, or you can stay longer with a particular area. At the start, don't go through the whole sequence, but maybe only the first few parts. As you are getting more comfortable with the method, add the rest of the suggestions slowly. As with any other relaxation method, autogenic training takes practice. Take time as often as you can at the start, and as long as you want to.
If you feel any tension, emotions or agitation in your body while you're trying to relax, simply notice it. See if you can relax anyway. Take time later on to think about it. It might be that what you are experiencing are signs of stress, which will stop as you relax more often. However, your body might also be sending you signals that an area needs more focused attention, like stretching exercises, different foods or a trip to the doctor to get yourself checked. You might also experience tensions due to unreleased emotions. Check how you're feeling during the exercise. If you have a repeated uncomfortable feeling, see whether you can release it by shaking (anxiety), crying (sadness) or hitting cushions (anger). Or, consider psychotherapy.
At the end of the cycle you can, if you want to, include your own personal affirmation. Using affirmations with a relaxation exercise will reinforce the positive messages you're trying to take in. You can either use existing affirmations, or you can make up your own by following a few simple rules:
1 Keep affirmations short and simple.
2 The statements need to be in the present indicative tense (I am something); never use the future tense (I will be). That only reinforces that you haven't reached your goal yet.
3 Avoid the use of the word "try" and negatives such as "I am not smoking". Instead, think, for example, "I am free of my addiction to tobacco and I have no cravings for a cigarette."
4 Don't use statements of intentions (e.g. I ought, I should to be more assertive), but rather a statement of real, possible change (I allow myself to be assertive).
5 The phrase must be acceptable to you, not make you feel silly or embarrassed.
6 You need to be able to remember it.
For more options on affirmations, check the affirmations section.
Finally, here is the list of auto-hypnosis messages:
right arm is heavy
My right arm
My heart beat
is calm and regular
It breathes me
plexus is warm
forehead is cool
1: The formula for breathing sounds a bit odd, but it is worded that way to emphasize the passivity of your breathing. Let your breathing just happen. The solar plexus is an autonomic nerve area just below your breast bone above the stomach area. Often people hold a lot of tension there.
2: Once you get the hang of it feel free to experiment. You could combine the messages with visualizations, like the sun shining on your belly for the solar plexus one. You could also play around with different breathing patterns, or how deeply you can breath into your body. Breathing is an essential part of Tantric sexual techniques, which we will write about in another section of this website. You can stay in the relaxed space as long as you wish after having completed the sequence. If you fall asleep, great! If you might do that in places where it could be inconvenient, such as on the train home, don't close your eyes. When you want to come back, stretch gently and give yourself time to join the outside world again.
How to become orgasmic home page