|What Turns Women On!
Some Research Into What Attracts Women Sexually In Men
This material is the product of research into 200 women, who responded to a questionnaire about what they find sexually arousing....The main groups of responses were (click on the link to go to that section):
How Sex After Fifty May Be Different - Thoughts For Men and Women
The midlife sexual transition is different for women and men. A woman cannot stop the process of changing from a fertile, child-bearing woman into a woman who is incapable of bearing children. And the permanent ending of ovulation and menstruation is a major milestone in every woman's life.
The process - usually some time between the ages of forty-five and fifty-five - is both complex and potentially quite emotional.
On the other hand, once the changes have been completed, she is still capable of enjoying sex and having great orgasms, and she may have a sex drive as strong as it was before her menopause. So how are women to reconcile sex, love and romance?
Not without help, certainly. And help comes in the most unlikely form from the Tao of Badass, a dating and relationship advice program which offers a lot of great advice not just for those wishing to enter into a new relationship, but those wishing to restore and revitalize an existing relationship.
In fact, not fearing an unwanted pregnancy can in itself produce a better sexual experience for a woman after she is 50 than in her earlier years.
By contrast, most men have no definite sexual milestone to define entry into "midlife sex". But many men have midlife symptoms attributable to loss of testosterone, similar to those experienced by women going through the menopause - depression, moodiness, headaches, depressions, irritability, becoming easily exhausted, and hot and cold flushes.
After a certain age, a man's semen may contain sub-standard spermatozoa; the pre-come secretion may progressively become less in volume and disappear altogether after a time; the volume of semen ejaculated may become less, though it rarely dries up completely; and it is true that the prostate and testicles become markedly changed; but none of these things is an end to reproduction in the way that the menopause is for a woman.
In fact, there are many men who, even if they have a reduced sex drive, are still capable of producing healthy children as a result of having sex after fifty, indeed, well into in their sixties and seventies.
A man's greatest sexual fear is usually that he will lose the ability to have an erection, that is, that he will become impotent. A man's sense of masculinity is closely supported by his ability to have a firm erection and to sustain it for long enough to sexually satisfy his partner. Thus, changes in sexual performance or interest after fifty can be extremely significant for men, just as they are for women.
This threat to a man's virility may produce a dramatic reaction during or after middle age. He will openly admit to being incapable of running without breathlessness, or to being exhausted by two hours' fairly labor, but the thought of not being able to enjoy sex with his partner and satisfy her is too horrible to contemplate! The Tao Of Badass offers a number of solutions to this dilemma, including advice on maintaining a great sexual relationship.
Some men reject the onset of middle age by changing into sports gear as soon as they get home and running three miles before dinner, or indulging in strenuous squash or tennis, or by going wild in their sexual techniques.
It's as if a man's partner is not sufficient sexual challenge to him, and he has to prove that his powers of seduction and lovemaking after 50 are as strong as ever by embarking on a round of promiscuity with women half his age, or any mature woman who will get into bed and make love with him.
His attempts to prove to himself that he's a modem Casanova often lead him deeply into difficulties; for, if his partner or wife discovers his affair and does not understand what is really happening to him, she may want to separate or else, while not going to this extreme, she may exclude him from her sexual life: check out solutions for this problem of incompatibility in Joshua Pellicer's Tao of Badass.
Not only this, if he does actually indulge in sexual excesses he may, after a time, find that he has developed premature ejaculation or some degree of erectile dysfunction.
If he does find himself at any time unable to complete intercourse - and this persists - he may develop other strategies to try and boost his flagging sexual drive - including porn, BDSM, sexual experimentation, new sexual positions and so on.
Sometimes his wife or partner is sexually willing to accept his sudden interest in sexual activity; sometimes she is not.
If she has let middle-age overwhelm her, she may also set in motion her own compensating mechanism. Very often this takes the form of making the menopause, or rather the onset of the menopause, with various aches and pains and irregularities, the excuse for initially becoming sexually disinterested, and then for withdrawing from sex altogether.
This is little short of tragedy. A satisfactory, well-attuned sex-life is the cement which holds together relationships: it is the basis of trust, affection, empathy, understanding, love, co-operation, and companionship.
Sexual activity between two loving partners is the visible, concrete expression of love. Their love can be measured by the thought and care which a couple devote to their sex life, and by the depth of their mutual pleasure and gratitude for the experience of sex: this is no less true after 50 years of age than it is before.
The Tao Of Badass Isn't Just For Young People!
The Tao of Badass is a great way to start a relationship. And to continue one. And to reinforce one. At the start of a relationship, emotional love is a prime ingredient of a couple's life together. This is the time when the Tao of Badass can offer men and women alike a whole range of ways of connecting together which no other dating advice program can do.
This love can be expressed through physical sex. In a solid relationship, the physical expression of love through sex remains steadfast; it develops even more if a relationship becomes deeper. But if a sexual relationship breaks down during middle age, then it is almost certain that a couple has not been deeply emotionally connected.
By "not deeply connected" I mean they have not made attempted to improve their technique of lovemaking much, if at all, beyond the basic requirements - arousing the woman in foreplay so that she reaches orgasm at some time during sex, then putting the penis in the vagina and thrusting until ejaculation occurs.
Most likely, they have not tried to improve their orgasmic experience, perhaps because they never knew the techniques of foreplay and sex which can greatly intensify the sensations at orgasm.
They have made love, or rather, they have had sex, merely in response to the sex drive of one or the other. Their enjoyment of sex has been simply in the pleasurable sensations of orgasm and the tension-relief in the aftermath; they have not had much joy from their lovemaking, because they have not deliberately made it an occasion for joy.
When 300 men and women, all over fifty years of age, completed an online questionnaire, my main discovery was that those who were sexually active and clearly enjoyed their love-making had invariably taken trouble with their sex lives from the very first days of their relationship.
By contrast, those who hardly made love to their partners after 50, because one or other or both of them lost interest, turned out to have used their earlier sexual experience, merely for relief from sexual tension, or had been content for the man to have sex in the usual man on top position - often no other - purely to satisfy their sex drive, as described above.
You may take it for certain that where there is an undoubted deep companionship between a middle-aged or elderly couple, there will also be a deeply satisfying sexual relationship.
And the converse is equally true. Where it is obvious that the marriage relationship is nothing more than a comfortable arrangement - based on financial security, say - sex after fifty will be either wholly non-existent, or where it does exist, be wholly or partially unsatisfactory to both partners.
The tragedy is that it need not happen. Middle-age, far from being the beginning of the end, can open up brand new sexual experiences. It can be the time when a couple start to consolidate all they have learned of life and living in their first half-century.
By this time they have grown to know - or should have grown to know - exactly what makes their partner tick. On the basis of this knowledge they can have a way of life that is fulfilling and in which sex has a definite and major role to play.
Successful Sex After Fifty: On Passing Into Middle Aged Sexuality
The process of deterioration with age is so slow that we are not aware of it until something happens to bring it home to us. A sudden awareness of tiredness, the insight that things you could once accomplish with ease are no longer so easy, that jobs take longer to complete and are harder to accomplish, and that you have less energy - these are the kind of things which show us our age.
The rate of deterioration is variable from individual to individual and may be complicated by the effects of disease. Thus, a fairly healthy man may be overtaken by old-age at sixty, whereas another man in the same state of general health may be alert mentally and spry physically at eighty; one woman may be showing her age at fifty-five, another may be physically attractive and a lively companion at seventy-five.
As a general rule, however, and for all practical purposes, fifty is the age at which, these days, the majority of men and women enter the middle phase of their lives. It is in the years after fifty that awareness of physical deterioration begins: but since almost all of us get to fifty, we all have to face the prospect of sex after 50 as well. In short, middle-aged sexuality comes to us all at some point!
But of course, men and women do not have the same experience of ageing sexually. For the woman there is a definite break in the expression of her sexuality - the menopause.
Over a period that lasts from three to five years, a woman's ability to conceive and bear a child slowly diminishes. The ovaries no longer release a mature egg at the end of the woman's menstrual cycle as regularly as they did; menstruation is affected, too, and some women experience great irregularities in the cycle itself. At this time, romance may diminish, but the thrill of romance is potentially just as wonderful as always - and a woman can still Capture A Man's Heart using her traditional sexual wiles.
There may be as long as six months or more between one menstruation and the next, and just as she is beginning to take hope that the menopause has been completed, she has a series of periods with only a few days between the end of one and the beginning of the next.
For some women, this is a regular experience for two or three years. But others may be menopausal for longer than five years, during which time they may have only half-a-dozen periods a year before the changes are finally complete. During this time, any help that she can get to sustain her relationship is of great value. I recommend to many of my clients a remarkable program called Capture His Heart And Make Him Love You Forever - which is essentially Dating Advice For Women. This program seems to be capable of not only sustaining existing relationships, but generating new ones - at any age in life. After all, women like the thrill of capturing a man's heart, so no surprise that anything which promises more romance would have this effect!
Nor are these irregularities the only disturbances with which many women have to contend. At times the woman may experience alternative waves of heat and cold - the so-called "hot flushes" - followed by troublesome sweating. Few women escape this really uncomfortable symptom, though doctors can do much to alleviate the most unpleasant physical symptoms.
Many women, too, suffer from heart-pounding and headaches, and depression and restlessness. They become very irritable, easily exhausted physically, and perhaps begin to accumulate fat at an alarming rate, and in quantities that cannot be disguised. A woman may be able to conceal the irregularities in her periods, but her added weight she cannot hide, and this may cause some anxiety.
The changes that are taking place within the body are formidable, and they don't just concern sexual matters. In the man the testicles are operating more slowly. Lowered testosterone may produce lower sexual desire in men.
Equally, in women, production of sex-stimulating hormones by the ovaries markedly decreases, and her desire for sex may also decline. But in most cases, contrary to popular belief, the woman's desire for sexual intercourse does not come to an end. Though not so pronounced, perhaps, or so frequent, she still has a sex drive after fifty. It is this, of course, which enables women to find the motivation to seek out a new relationship with a man, even after 50 - capturing his heart and indeed making him love her for ever....
There's obviously a link between how much testosterone or estrogen a man or woman's body produces, and how high their sex drive may be. But there are other effects, too.
In the years after a woman's menopause, the gradual slowing down of the production of sex hormones by her ovaries has other effects. Perhaps the most common of these effects is the thinning of the lining of the vagina.
Before the menopause when the vagina receives considerable stimulation from estrogen, its walls are thick and corrugated. With the reduction in estrogen, in a very gradual process over at least five years, and, more commonly, much longer, the walls become much thinner. This means that they may not protect the urethra and bladder from the friction of the thrusting penis in sex, so that sex becomes painful.
The penis can also cause pain through the shortening and narrowing of the vaginal barrel and the constriction of the vaginal opening. But while the shortening and lengthwise capacity for stretching may mean that the vagina cannot accommodate the full length of even the average six- to six-and-a-half-inch penis, the narrowing is much less.
The pain that this constriction of the vaginal entrance produces may not be so much from the constriction itself as from the lack of lubrication. Most women have less vaginal lubrication after the ovulation has stopped, so the attempts of a dry penis to enter a dry vaginal entrance can be very painful indeed for the woman. Fortunately, there are ways of eliminating all these various pains.
The female menopause means the complete end of the woman's fertility, and it is an experience undergone by every woman. But even after the menopause, all women are capable of sexual desire, sexual arousal and enjoyable intercourse, as well as satisfying orgasms.
So long as she remains in good general health, a woman can enjoy active sex after 50 - indeed, well into her seventies and eighties. In fact many women develop a far more active and satisfying sex life after the menopause than they ever had before.